


The Floor is Snakes

by writeallnight



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Bromance, Gen, Shenanigans, Snakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25266862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeallnight/pseuds/writeallnight
Summary: Sonny and Clay find themselves in a very slippery situation. Shenanigans ensue. Rated for Sonny's excessive use of the F-bomb.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	The Floor is Snakes

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by the wonderful bluenet13, who is watching one of my other favorite shows, Sea Patrol, and said, "Hey wouldn't it be fun if the snake thing happened to Sonny?" And I thought, "Oh yes. Yes it would be very funny." So the plot borrows and idea from Sea Patrol 2.02, but the dialogue is alllllllll Sonny and Clay. Enjoy the nonsense!

“Oh shit,” Sonny said, heart pounding so fast it hurt. “Oh god fucking damn it all to fucking hell…”

Obscenities continued to tumble out of his mouth at a rapid rate as he perched precariously on top of a table.

“Sonny, just relax,” Clay called from across the room where he was standing on a chair.

“Don’t fucking tell me to fucking relax,” Sonny snapped, pressing himself more tightly against the wall as he stared at the floor. “This is your fucking fault!”

“How is it my fault?!”

“You’re the one who volunteered us to come down here and check things out!”

“Somebody had to do it.”

“Yeah somebody! It didn’t have to be us!”

“You’re panicking,” Clay said, irrationally calm despite their situation. “This is not a good time to panic.”

“We are standing in a god damn snake pit, I will panic if I want to!”

It had all started out normally enough. Bravo had busted through the doors of a house, only to find it empty, their baddie apparently having vacated the premises already. It sucked, but sometimes that’s how it went down.

It was only when they’d gone to clear the rest of the house that things had gone terrifyingly wrong. Clay and Sonny had headed down into the basement to check things out. They’d cleared the room, but Clay had spotted something at the far end he wanted to check out.

When they’d turned they’d found at least a dozen snakes, (possibly more, Sonny hadn’t stopped to count), writhing and squirming all over the floor. Where they had come from was a mystery but neither of them really cared about that at the moment. And that was how they’d both ended up in their current predicament of standing on furniture above the wriggling mass of certain death.

“Who the hell does this guy think he is? Fucking Indiana Jones? Who keeps snakes in their basement?” Sonny said.

“Indiana Jones didn’t have a snake pit, it was in the temp—“

“Clay, I swear to god, if you start talking to me about the semantics of that movie right now I am going to shoot you.” Sonny was breathing like he’d just run a marathon, panic crawling inside of him as the floor slithered and moved. A memory hit him and he immediately squeezed his eyes shut.

“Why are you closing your eyes?” Clay asked.

“Cobras can spit up to eight feet!”

“There’s no cobras in here. And even if there were I don’t think any of them have been to sniper school.”

Sonny cracked open one eye to glare at him. “Oh yeah? What are you some kind of snake expert? You got a degree in snake-ology? Because unless you do, I am not going to believe a word you say.”

Clay rolled his eyes. “We need a plan.”

“No shit.” Sonny thought for a second and then lifted his weapon.

“What are you doing?!”

“I’m going to shoot ‘em.”

“You can’t shoot all of them. And if you try you’ll probably end up hitting one of us with a ricochet. The floor’s cement.”

“Fair point.” Sonny lowered his gun. “You got a better plan?”

Clay looked down at the floor and back up at him. “Not yet. I’m working on it.”

“This could have been Brock and Trent,” Sonny said, shaking his head as a trickle of sweat ran down the back of his neck.

“You know, you didn’t exactly speak up and say no when I volunteered us!” Clay snapped.

“Well next time I’ll decide what we check out!” Sonny snapped back.

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

One of the snakes gave a loud hiss and they both recoiled. “Okay, we need to get out of here _now_ ,” Sonny said. “My tombstone is not reading ‘Killed to death by poisonous snakes’.”

“Venomous.”

“What?”

“Snakes are venomous, not poisonous. If you bite itand it makes you sick, it’s poisonous. If it bites _you_ and you get sick, it’s venomous.”

Sonny gritted his teeth. “We already know you’re smarter than fucking Wikipedia you don’t have to keep trying to prove it!” he snarled.

“I’m just saying—Never mind.” Clay looked around the room. “All right. Okay. I have an idea. D’you ever play the floor is lava?”

“Clay we’ve already got fucking snakes in here, we don’t need lava too.”

“No.” Clay rolled his eyes. “It’s a kid game. You have to get all the way across the room without touching the floor.”

“Well how am I going to do that Superman? Just grow wings? Fall into a vat of toxic radiation and get some super powers?”

“You know, you’re not being very helpful!” Clay retorted. “Do you want to get out of here or not?”

“Yes. God yes. All right, how do we do it?”

“Okay, so, first you’re going to go from the table to that chair.” Clay nodded toward a chair about three feet away from Sonny’s current location. “Then from the chair onto that counter.”

“What am I, a cat?”

Clay ignored him and continued. “I’m going to go onto the desk, then the chair, and then onto the counter after you. From there…” He looked up. “We’re going to have to grab that support beam and swing for the stairs. Try to land at least three steps up.”

“Try?!”

“Sonny, this is all we’ve got, are you in or not?” Clay snapped, clearly fed up.

He looked down at the floor and swallowed hard. “I’m in.”

He took a breath and jumped, landing hard on the chair, which tipped precariously. “Careful!” Clay yelled.

“I’m not a damn ballerina!” Sonny growled as he steadied himself.

“We don’t have all day here Son.”

“I’m going!” Sonny leapt for the counter, not an easy feat as it was about a four foot jump and several inches higher than the chair. He barely got one foot on it, the other dangling dangerously close to the floor before he pulled it up.

Clay’s first jump took him safely to the desk and then it was just a short hop to the chair. Sonny reached out and helped pull him up onto the counter, then looked up at the beam. “That’s a big jump,” he said.

Clay nodded. “I know.” He looked at Sonny. “Go for it.”

“Why do I have to go first?”

“Senior man on the team.”

“You suck.” He stared up at the beam. “Count to three.”

“What?”

“Just count to three damn it!”

“All right! One, two, three!”

Sonny didn’t move. Clay raised his eyebrows. “Any day now here…”

“I’m going! Count again.”

Clay gave a sigh of long suffering. “One. Two. THREE!”

Sonny jumped, hands outstretched and grabbed the beam and then swung as hard as he could toward the stairs, landing with a loud thud and slamming his knee painfully into the old wood. He got his balance turned around slowly. “Your turn!”

Clay took a flying leap and soared toward Sonny, crashing right into his chest. Sonny’s arms went around him, keeping them both from falling back toward certain snake death. “You good?” Sonny asked gruffly.

“Yeah,” Clay said, breathing hard. “You?”

“Yeah.”

They both looked back down at their reptile pals. “Bravo Three, Bravo Six, status report,”Jason said over comms.

“Oh now he asks,” Sonny said, reaching for his radio. “This is Bravo Three, sorry for the delay, we were busy escaping from a pit of snakes.”

There was a long silence and then Ray’s voice. “Bravo Three, say again your last?”

“You heard me Bravo Two. This fucker’s got a basement full of snakes.”

Another silence. “Copy that Bravo Three, we’re coming to you.”

Five minutes later the rest of Bravo team came down the hall to find Sonny and Clay waiting at the top of the basement stairs. “There really snakes down there?” Metal asked.

Clay nodded toward the door. “Go look for yourselves.”

The whole group tromped down the steps. Apparently Ray was the first to get a good look because they heard him say, “Holy shit,” and then everyone came back up a little bit faster than they’d gone down.

“Either of you get bit?” Trent asked, eying them both as if looking for symptoms.

Sonny shook his head. “Nope. Too fast for ‘em.”

“Never seen Sonny move so fast in his life,” Clay said with a grin. “He was up on a table before I even knew what was happening.”

“Hey, he who is slowest gets eaten first,” Sonny said pointing a finger at him. “When it comes down to self preservation I’m quick.”

“All right, house is clear, let’s get out of here,” Jason said.

“Put this down in the books as one of the weird ones,” Ray said as they all headed for the door.

Something hit the back of Sonny’s leg and he jumped about three feet, nearly knocking over Trent and causing Cerberus let out a sharp bark. Metal smirked at him and held up a stick. “You’re right Spenser, he does move pretty fast.”

Sonny glared at him. “You better sleep with one eye open.”

“Why, you gonna put a snake in my boot cowboy?” Metal jabbed at him again with the stick and Sonny grabbed it. “You’re an asshole,” he said.

“So we gotta add snakes to your list of phobias, huh Sonny boy? It’s getting so long it’s hard to keep track,” Ray said. “Sharks.”

“Spiders,” Brock said.

“Scorpions,” Trent said.

“Earthquakes,” Clay said.

“Women over thirty,” Jason said, making the rest of the team roar with laughter.

“You know I wasn’t the only one in that basement,” Sonny said sourly. “Why don’t you all try making fun of Crocodile Dundee over there for a change?”

“Because it’s not as fun,” Brock said.

“I’m going to remember this the next time one of you needs backup,” Sonny growled.

“Don’t worry Son,” Clay said, slinging an arm around Sonny’s shoulders. “I’ve always got your back.”

“Yeah,” Sonny grunted. “As long as I go first, right?”

Clay nodded. “You got it.”


End file.
